I was writing down song lyrics on my notebook when I stopped because I didn’t know how to spell “enough.” I remember the spelling bee I was in during first grade where I misspelled the words “jewelry” and “women.” Looking back at it now, I guess that was the Universe telling me that I would never make it as a writer someday.
I was drawing my bikini line with a friend at our contest waiting area for journalism in fourth grade. I knew and was constantly reminded of my errors in spelling and in grammar but I honestly could not remember how I ended up joining a news, feature, opinion and editorial cartoon contest all at the same day. But then again, maybe it was the Universe telling me that there’s always room for improvement?
Before we turned to social media for information about a person, there was an existence of an old fashion slam book, or for some of us, an Autograph Book. At age 9, I was filling out the blank pages of the ambition question with either a ‘CPA Lawyer’ or ‘Writer’ of my classmates’ slam books. Now, given that those slams were still considered a thing, I’d probably write ‘I DON’T KNOW’ in a big chunky font style. I didn’t stop with my dreams of being a writer.
I was also stuffing my face with young adult novels. I would find random books at home or if I do have money, would go on a shopping spree at a local book sale. I remember how fond I was at the Lizzie McGuire books I owned. I was constantly reading so I could write better.
I wanted to be a writer growing up. I don’t know why, but it was the dream. In high school, I belonged to a Creative Writing specialization thinking I’d probably write better along the way. After four years of being a ‘creative writer’ I realized I was really bad at it but during my discovery for my lack of talent in fiction writing, I was able and fortunate enough to enhance my journalism writing skills. Although it was a brief time to really dive into journalism, I realized that maybe, just maybe, this could be the path I could take when I go to college.
Taking up a media program required to having a skill in writing. I also found myself in front of my University’s school publication asking for an application form for my friends and I. I sort of knew what was I getting into but it didn’t stop me. I remember the day I took the entrance exam for that school publication. It was after my NSTP class, I just arrived from the mall with a few classmates because we had lunch and it was already 10 minutes before the exam was supposed to start. I remember starting at 1:30 pm and ended 5 hours after. After the mental exhaustion I just punished myself with, I said I would probably never hear back from the publication. To cut the long story short, I am still a member of that school publication.
In University, I had encountered a lot of talented faces which made me more insecure about my writing. It still scares me some times. I talked to a teacher who told me the same thing she tells every one of her students – that we are good. I honestly don’t buy it. I like to think I have an okay vocabulary but not okay enough to have written something people would actually like it.
Right now, I couldn’t even pick up a book anymore or finish something I had started reading. I started to put up a blog so I can just practice writing and make writing a habit but a few months ago, I had been slacking off. I guess I’ve gotten insecure again and just have been making excuses.
But I guess blogging has been or is leading me back to my dream which it to write.
So help me God.